a joke to lighten up the tension .... got one?

LSP · Post by **LSP** » Mon Feb 15, 2010 3:55 pm

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I
can get a haircut?
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About
2 hours'.
The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked ,
How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.'
The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How
long before I can get a haircut?
The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half
The guy left.
The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favor.
Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has
to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back.'
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, 'So, where does that guy go when he leaves?'
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said,
'Your house!'

Stripermann2 · Post by **Stripermann2** » Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:02 pm

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are in a saloon after a hard and hot ride out on the trail.
The Lone Ranger is enjoying a cold beer at the bar when in walks a stranger and says, who owns that white palimino outside...The lone Ranger looks up says I do. The stranger says, well he looks awfully hot, you might want to go out and cool him down.

So the Lone Ranger says to Tonto, go out side and run around my horse as fast as you can and cool him off. Yes, kimmasabi and off he goes...

A little while later another stranger comes into the bar and says, who owns the white palimino outside...the Lone Rangers says I do, is there a problem? The stranger says no, but ya left ya injun runnin...

foofer b · Post by **foofer b** » Wed Feb 17, 2010 7:19 pm

AARRGGHHH!

foofer b · Post by **foofer b** » Wed Feb 17, 2010 7:21 pm

Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.

After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."

The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together."

foofer b · Post by **foofer b** » Wed Feb 17, 2010 7:27 pm

A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"

The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about gettin' me a cold mug of Miller Light?" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?

The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.

The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me ... I'm collecting disability."

Jersdevil · Post by **Jersdevil** » Thu Feb 18, 2010 7:11 am

Good one Foofer

LSP · Post by **LSP** » Thu Feb 18, 2010 12:29 pm

I'll second that

Jersdevil · Post by **Jersdevil** » Thu Feb 18, 2010 12:32 pm

Question:
What do you get when you mix PMS with GPS?

Answer:
A crazy bitch who WILL find you!

foofer b · Post by **foofer b** » Thu Feb 18, 2010 1:39 pm

What does a woman say after she has been totally and completely satisfied by a man?

Give up?

I didn't think you knew.

Stripermann2 · Post by **Stripermann2** » Thu Feb 18, 2010 3:23 pm

Oh I know!!!!

mr elevman · Post by **mr elevman** » Thu Feb 18, 2010 11:24 pm

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Subj: His and hers diary

HER DIARY:

Dear Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, So I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster...

HIS DIARY:

â€¦â€¦

â€¦â€¦.

â€¦â€¦

My boat wouldn't start today, but at least I got laid.

foofer b · Post by **foofer b** » Fri Feb 19, 2010 9:03 am

What do forty battered women have in common?

THEY-JUST-DON'T-LISTEN!!!

foofer b · Post by **foofer b** » Fri Feb 19, 2010 9:04 am

Yeah, I know, don't flame me. It was just a joke .

foofer b · Post by **foofer b** » Sun Feb 21, 2010 9:19 am

A redneck boy was arraigned in Jacksonville court Friday and when the judge asked him why he was caught running around butt naked downtown, the good ole boy explained it thuslike: Well , yer honurr, it was like this: Me an my girl Bobby-Anne wuz out in the woods down in Palatka ya see, and wee'z makin out pretty hot and heavy like and at one point Bobby-Anne stood up and said "Earl, take yer clothes off and go to town"!

foofer b · Post by **foofer b** » Sun Feb 21, 2010 8:17 pm

stolen from another site---

A guy owned a small family marina. The Dept. of Labor claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them", demanded the agent.
"Well" replied the owner, "there's the mechanic who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $400 a week plus free room and board.
The yard guy has been here for 18 months and I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 a week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of burbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to- the half-wit", says the agent.

"That would be me", replied the boss.

Trojan Boat Forum

a joke to lighten up the tension .... got one?

a joke to lighten up the tension .... got one?

Man arrested for Indecent exposure in dntwn Jacksonville